Howdy, the name's Winston. I live in Eastern Oregon, where I was born. I know what you're thinking, man this guy living the dream because I own a wooden cottage, own a duck cane, and have a wife. Wrong! The cottage gives me splinters, the duck cane keeps quacking, and my wife Ruth is breathing. Don't get me wrong, I'm a decent person, I enjoy going on my rocking chair and hear the morning news from my birds. Picture this, I'm sitting there minding my own business, when a 64 pound girl scout starts her daily bugging. I mean, you buy ONE box of thin mints for your duck cane, when all hell breaks loose. Wait, I'll be right back nature is calling, make sure Ruth stays off the window browser.
Ruth: Unlike that old hag, I was born and raised in the big pear they call New York. I used to be (and still am) a really good looking woman with a disgrace of a husband. I think he's mental. He spent TWO HUNDRED pennies on thin mints. I have three bootifull children named Cornelius, Clinton, and Cookie. And I know what you are thinking. I AM the woman from that Wendy's commercial. Seriously. Where was the beef? You know what I hate? Boys. You know why? They always pee all over the bucket, and guess who has to sit on it? Winston? I always give one hundred percent respect and they give me SQUAT!
Winston: Shoo, flee, quack! Ruth, get off the window browser! Sorry about that folks, my wife has been a little lonely ever since she lost her swan cane. Bye now, make sure Ruth says off the window browser!
Ruth: MY LORD, JESUS, AND JOSEPH! I miss that old swan. She was the only one who didn't pee all over me. Gtg, and remember- don't listen to Winny SQUAT!
Love and hate from the west,
